Education Jokes

education

A Young Scientist Experiment

A policeman stops a motorcyclist.
“Why do you wear a woolen cap instead of a helmet?”
“For safety reasons”.
“You must be joking!”“Not at all! I conducted an experiment. I threw the cap and helmet from the tenth floor. The helmet broke into pieces but the cap didn’t!”

An Urgent Case

A young married doctor is invited by his colleagues to a bridge party.
“I have an urgent call” he says to his wife, putting the receiver down.
“Is it a serious case?” asks his wife.
“Very serious” answers the doctor, three doctors are already there?

I Don’t Want To Go To School

Early one morning, a mother went in to wake up her son.
“Wake up, son. It’s time to go to school!”
“But why, Mom? I don’t want to go.”
“Give me two reasons why you don’t want to go.”
“Well, the kids hate me for one, and the teachers hate me also!”
“Oh, that’s no reason not to go to school. Come on now and get ready.”
“Give me two reasons why I should go to school.”
“Well, for one, you’re 52 years old. And for another, you’re the PRINCIPAL!”

Professor, The Car Broke Down

Two college seniors had a week of exams coming up. They decided to party instead. Their biggest exam was on Wednesday and they showed up telling the professor that their car had broken down the night before due to a very flat tire and they needed a bit more time to study.
The professor told them that they could have another day to study. That evening, both of the boys crammed all night until they were sure that they knew just about everything.
Arriving to class the next morning, each boy was told to go to two separate classrooms to take the exam. Each boy just shrugged and went to two different parts of the building.
As each sat down, they read the first question.
“For 5 points, explain the contents of an atom.”
At this point, they both thought that this was going to be a piece of cake, and answered the question with ease. Then, the test continued.
“For 95 points, tell me which tire it was.”

Teacher At Court

A schoolteacher was given a ticket for driving through a red light. When she appeared in traffic court, she asked the judge for immediate attention to her case as she was due to be back in class. The judge looked at her sternly and said:
“So you’re a schoolteacher. I am about to realize a lifelong ambition. You sit down at that table over there and write ‘I went
through a stop sign. ‘FIVE HUNDRED TIMES!”

Little Johnny : Poor Frogs

Little Johnny is late to class one day and the teacher asks him where he has been.
He replies “I’ve been down by the creek sticking cherry bombs up frogs asses.”
“You mean rectum” corrected the teacher. “Yeah” says Little Johnny,
“Wrecked ’em all right, it blew ’em into little pieces!!”

Alabama Johnny

It was the first day of Grade Three in a new town for Johnny. As a test, his teacher went around the room and asked each of the students to count to 50. Some did very well, counting as high as 30 or 40 with just a few mistakes. Others couldn’t get past 20. Johnny, however, did extremely well; he past 50 right up to 100 without any mistakes. He was so excited that he ran home and told his dad how well he had done. His Dad nodded, and told him “That’s because you are from Alabama, son.”
The next day, in language class, the teacher asked the students to recite the alphabet. It’s Grade Three, so most could make it halfway through without much trouble. Some made it to “S” or “T”, but Johnny rattled off the alphabet perfectly right to the end. That evening, Johnny once again bragged to his Dad about his prowess in his new school. His Dad, knowingly, explained to him. “That’s because you are from Alabama, son.”
The next day, after Physical Education, the boys were taking showers. Johnny noted that, compared to the other boys in his grade, he seemed overly “well endowed”. This confused him. That night he told his dad, “Dad, they all have little tiny ones, but mine is ten times bigger than theirs. Is that because I’m from Alabama?” he asked.
“No son,” explained his Dad, “That’s because you’re 18.”

Little Johnny : Failed Math

Little Johnny returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
“Why?” asks the father.
“The teacher asked ‘How much is 2 x 3?’ I said ‘6’.”
“But that’s right!”
“Then she asked me ‘How much is 3 x 2?'”
“What’s the fucking difference?” asks the father.
“That’s what I said.”

Embarrassing Biology

A biology major was taking a cell biology course. The task of the day was examining epithelial cheek cells under a microscope. They had to scrape the inside of their mouths with a toothpick and make a slide from it and record the different types of cells that were found.
One girl in the class was having some trouble identifying some cells. She called the professor over to ask him.
After a moment or two of peering in her scope, he looked up and said in a loud voice, “Those are sperm cells.”

Arriving Late For The Lecture

A certain professor arrived late for a lecture to find a most uncomplimentary drawing of himself on the blackboard.
Fuming, he asked the class joker in the front row, “Who, pray, was responsible for this atrocity?”
The joker won tremendous prestige with his reply, “I really don’t know, but I strongly suspect its parents.”

The Importance Of Research

A college professor had just finished explaining an important research project to his class. He emphasized that this paper was an absolute requirement for passing his class, and there would be only two acceptable excuses for being late. Those were a medically certifiable illness or a death in the student’s immediate family.
A wisecracking student in the back of the classroom waved his hand and spoke up “But what about extreme sexual exhaustion, professor?” As you would expect, the class exploded in laughter.
When the students finally settled down, the professor gave the student a long, appraising look. “Well”, he responded, “I guess you’ll just have to write with your other hand”

Presents For Teacher

On the last day of kindergarten, all the children brought presents for their teacher. The florist’s son handed the teacher a gift. She shook it, held it up and said, “I bet I know what it is – it’s some flowers!”
“That’s right!” shouted the little boy.
Then the candy store owner’s daughter handed the teacher a gift She held it up, shook it and said. “I bet I know what it is – it’s a box of candy!”
“That’s right!” shouted the little girl.
The next gift was from the liquor store owner’s son. The teacher held it up and saw that it was leaking. She touched a drop with her finger and tasted it. “Is it wine?” she asked.
“No,” the boy answered.
The teacher touched another drop to her tongue. “Is it champagne?” she asked.
“No,” the boy answered.
Finally, the teacher said, “I give up. What is it?”
The boy replied, “A puppy!”
No Excuses!

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