Blondes Jokes

blonde
  • Q: Why did the blonde try and steal a police car?
    A: On the back she saw “911” and thought it was a Porsche.
  • Q: What does Star Trek’s Dr Bones McCoy say before he performs brain surgery on a blonde?
    A: Space. The final frontier……….
  • Q: What did the blond do when she missed the 66 Bus?
    A: She took the 33 bus twice instead.
  • Q: Why do ya reckon Blonds don’t have elevator jobs?
    A: Cos they’ve no idea of the route.
  • Q: How do you make a blonde’s eyes Twinkle?
    A: You shine a torchlight in her ear.
  • Q: Did you hear about the blond Bear?
    A: Got stuck in a hunter’s trap, chewed off it’s 2 paws and 1 leg, and was still stuck.
  • Q: How does a stereotypical blonde spell Farm?
    A: E-I-E-I-O.
  • Q: How do you measure their intelligence?
    A: Stick a tire pressure gauge in their ear.

 

 

Thanksgiving Practical Joke

  • Last Thanksgiving, my mom decided to play a trick on my sister (who’s blonde). To get her out of the house, she convinced her that we needed more half and half for the coffee.
    While my sister was out, my mom took the turkey out of the oven, removed the stuffing, stuffed a Cornish hen, then put it inside the turkey, packing stuffing all around it. She then put the turkey back in the oven.
    When everything was ready, my sister took the turkey out of the oven and began to remove the stuffing. When she felt something, she reached in and pulled out the Cornish hen.
    Pretending to be shocked, by mother exclaimed, “Patti, you’ve cooked a pregnant turkey!”
    My sister began to cry and was inconsolable. It took us half an hour to convince her that turkeys lay eggs!

 

The Perfect Christmas Tree

  • Two blondes decided that this Christmas they wanted to cut down their own Christmas tree. So they drove two hours into the country and walked deep into the woods to find the perfect Christmas tree. They had planned the trip well, especially considering that they were blond. They were dressed warmly with boots, warm coats and hats. They had a chain saw, hatchet, a bag to protect the tree and rope to drag it back to their car. Every detail was covered.
    They searched and searched. They had gone to all this trouble, nothing but the prefect tree would do. They searched for hours through knee deep snow and biting wind. Finally, five hours later with the sun beginning to go down, one blonde says to the other, “I can’t take this anymore. I give up! There are hundreds of beautiful trees out here. Let’s just pick one whether it’s decorated or not!”

Meeting St. Peter

  • Three blonde friends died together in a car wreck. They found themselves standing in front of the pearly gates with St. Peter. He told them that before they could enter heaven, they had to tell him what Easter was about.
    The first blonde said, “Easter is a big holiday where we give thanks, have a big feast and eat turkey.”
    “Nooooo,” said St. Peter. “You don’t get in.”
    The second blonde said, “Easter is the holiday that we celebrate Jesus’ being born of the virgin and give gifts to each other.”
    “Nooooo,” said St. Peter. “You don’t get in, either.”
    The third blonde said, “Well, I know what Easter is all about. Easter is a Christian holiday which coincides with the Jewish Passover. After Jesus celebrated Passover with His disciples, He was betrayed by Judas and turned over to the Romans. They crucified Him on a cross. After He died, they buried him in a tomb and put a huge boulder in front of it.”
    “Very good!” said St. Peter.
    The blonde continued. “Now, every year, the Jews roll the stone away and Jesus comes out. If He sees his shadow, we have 6 more weeks of basketball.”
    St. Peter fainted!

 

Parachute Jumping

  • On the first day of training for parachute jumping, a blonde listened intently to the instructor. He told them to start preparing for landing when they are at 300 feet.
    The blonde asked, “How am I supposed to know when I’m at 300 feet?”
    “That’s a good question. When you get to 300 feet, you can recognize the faces of people on the ground.”
    After pondering his answer, she asked, “What happens if there’s no one there I know?”

 

The Bet

  • A blonde and a redhead met for dinner after work and were watching the 6 o’clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge. The blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn’t jump, and the redhead replied, “I’ll take that bet!”
    Anyway, sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead the $50 she owned. The redhead said, “I can’t take this, you’re my friend.” The blonde said, “No. A bet’s a bet.”
    So the redhead said, “Listen, I have to admit, I saw this one on the 5 o’clock news, so I can’t take your money.”
    The blonde replied, “Well, so did I, but I never thought he’d jump again!”
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